it was mutual

I had a date this weekend. I went to Italy. Suuuch a bummer, I know :). I didn’t want to do the whole tourist-y thing so I went to a couple smaller cities along the southern coast called Salerno and Positano. It was an amazing trip AND it was complete with the most wonderful date. He’s my best friend, and I just love him. Do you know him? His name is Jesus Christ. Technically, it probably seemed to everyone else that I just did a trip alone to “discover myself” or something cliché like that, but the truth is, I was far from being alone. And besides, I already know who I am. What I really wanted was to get to know the God I love even better and have him expand my understanding of who He is. For the first time in a long time, I got to see the beauty of intentional isolation. A time of reflection and rest. A time to re-recognize that I SUCK at planning my life. A time to learn how to enjoy the moment. But most of all, a time to talk with my precious Jesus...and not talk at Him. As you can see this is reallly long. So if you read the whole thing...how nice of you! Don’t worry, I won’t be offended if you don’t. But even with this length...it doesn’t cover half of what me and God talked about this weekend. But to tell it all would take like a gazillion pages. So I won’t. 

When I decided to study abroad in Europe, I knew that I absolutely HAD to go to Italy. Everything about the country seemed appealing to me...the people, the FOOD, the culture, the beautiful language and the unbelievable landscape. But for some reason...no one was available to go with me to the country on the weekend that I was able to go. A light bulb went off in my head, and I thought, “Hmmm, maybe I can make it a weekend getaway thing with Jesus!” And as excited as I was about it, I still kept asking people if they would like to come. But I guess Jesus was pretty excited about the idea of it too, because He made sure that there was literally no one else available...and therefore my attention was for sure going to be on Him alone. As soon as I booked the trip, I began praying for it. That God would reveal something amazing and needed to me, that He would teach me how to hear His voice in the moment, to appreciate silence, that I would continue to learn how to release any control I have and allow God to move in any way He sees fit. 
And, I most definitely did not have to ask Him twice. 

I got myself a massive gelato (technically it was a size small. I like the Italian definition of small.), and listened. Jesus taught me about love this weekend. Just so you know, I am convinced that I am His favorite. No big deal. 

That's what I'm talkin' about!!

I know, I know...God loves everyone equally...yadda yadda. Don’t worry, I am fully aware of that. Here’s the kicker though. I don’t think you’re supposed to feel like you are merely loved in a way that is equal to the person standing next to you. You should feel like you are the only person on the face of the planet that matters to God. That’s how loved you are. Did you know that? Pretty awesome, huh? That feeling, that knowledge of being loved is guaranteed to leave you in a state of wonderment and awe. But here’s the thing. Though yes, believe me, it is beyond wonderful to rest in this and to be in awe of this love...don’t let it stop you from coming right up to Him and talking to Him as if He were a good friend that you have here on earth. Christ also intended for us to have a relationship with Him that is comfortable. It’s a given that we don’t deserve such a love as this....we didn’t do anything. But regardless, I think Jesus does prefer it when we move past that realization, accept it, and simply begin to talk to Him. I believe that there is a bigger difference than we realize between having a relationship with Christ and having an intimate relationship with Him. 

God is beautiful

If you read some of the Psalms (I totes magotes read Psalm 18...it’s a good one, check it out, check it out!), in general you’ll notice how boldly David comes before the Lord. He’s expectant, he’s happy, he’s praising, he’s sad, he’s worshiping, he’s demanding....he is brutally honest. Here we have one man, who is comfortable with telling the God of the universe whether he’s upset or not and why. Not exactly formal...and not exactly always polite, no? Yet....David is called a man after God’s own heart. Why? Because he wasn’t afraid to believe God when God said that He loved him. With that mindset, you lose the need to grovel. Did you get that? You were not made so that God could have someone come and grovel at His feet. You realize that there is nothing you could possibly do to make God love you. Yet you then come to find that He does. He loves you like crazy. For no reason at all. Other than the fact that you are the only you that He’s ever going to get. Just as I am the only Janice He’s going to get. Think about that. The almighty, glorious, beautiful, and majestic God of the universe and the heavens is head over heels in love with you. And nothing on the face of the planet can change that. Forever. Pinky promise. Cool, huh? In case you didn’t know...that means that there is an unbelievable amount of freedom that comes through Christ Jesus. Take advantage of the freedom you have to walk right up to the Savior King and dump everything you’ve got on Him. I guarantee that He can handle it. Guarantee.  

He makes blue water too.

I feel like over this weekend, God challenged me to look at my relationship with Him. Do I really trust that He loves me? Am I solely validated by that? Am I happy to be fulfilled by that? 

He is glorious...after all, He made Positano

My conclusion? Uhhhh...heck YES! If there was any part of me that wasn’t sure before....it is definitely sure now. 

God has a real knack for knowing what makes you feel the most loved. I guess, that’s what happens when you create someone. One of the things that stuck out to me the most in Italy probably sounds like the dumbest thing ever to the world...but I don’t really care. If you didn’t know already...I hate rain. Hate it. It sucks. If you say you like it...I’ll probably think you’re lying. You get wet, uncomfortable, cold, wet, sometimes a bit smelly, oh...and did I mention, wet? It was supposed to rain BIG time in Southern Italy. And it definitely looked like it was going to when I got there. So I asked, “Hey God? Could you not make it rain this weekend? Please? It wouldn’t ruin my time here...but I prefer sun. I kinda want to see how blue the water gets.” Short. Sweet. Simple. Sincere. 

And you know what? It never rained on me. It rained in places around me...but never on me. In fact, it got so warm that I got to wear shorts and a t-shirt to Positano. Then I literally saw the giant rain clouds moving in the moment I left on the ferry. And later I find that it was raining like crazy in Salerno that whoooole day I was in Positano. It was like God held back those clouds just for me. Soooo cool! It wasn’t much. But it meant a lot and I found so much joy in that. (By the way..the water is, in fact, the bluest water I have ever seen in my life. And I have seen a LOT of ocean water). My challenge to you is to look for the details. You’ll be surprised at how much God does for you--how much He wants to do for you. Even if it seems like the most miniscule thing ever. 

God gave me some sun...

... and He also kept the rain away from me :)

Has anyone told you that you’re loved today? Because you most certainly are.